Every person's' dream is to love and be loved. Domestic violence has eaten deeply into our lives and society, I see domestic violence as a silent killer. For the victim, it deals with the heart and for the violator, it is psychological and most times deliberate. Notwithstanding, it is wrong. Many people have been victims of domestic violence especially females and children, due to immature relationships, misunderstandings, insecurity, poor or no education, family issues such as broken homes, psychological problems and much more.
Sitting on my bed, this is my inspiration.
Life my mum always say is not two, just one.
Now listen, domestic violence also known as domestic abuse according to wikipedia is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family. Domestic violence is very broad and can come in different ways, specifically I am focused on brutality such as woman battering.
This can happen to anyone, you start getting afraid of the person whom you say you love. Many people most especially ladies hide this for so long, you suffer inside, most times it comes with sexual abuse, you go to bed everyday with fear, hoping for a change, a times you dream of it, life becomes so hard inside, your smile becomes fake and you live a life expecting anything with no choice. Your dreams start shaking, most times your dreams die. You start losing focus, you start dreaming to be like others, you lack peace of mind, sometimes it gets so bad that you start seeing a doctor, trying to cover up injuries and start moving away from your loved ones because any attempt to tell them will bring you more pain.
Try and think why this is happening, does it define love to you, is that what you need or wanted in life? Can you remember the cartoons you watched and fairy tales you read about when growing up, we dreamt and wished of prince charming, a life with no worries, walking in the woods with him trying to hide, eating berries and getting breakfast while still on bed. Do all these sound like the life you are living now?
Yea I know later comes an apology (apologies), with flowers, clothings, teddies, cards, jewelries, travel invitation, night dates, special moments and lots more, which tends to melt the anger, and immediately you see him sober what comes to your mind is "he never meant it, he will change, he was drunk and silly excuses" and you finally accept the gifts then life goes on. I know sometimes it gets so much that gifts are no more options just the word "sorry" and some think it's their right and don't even say anything to you , life just continues like nothing ever happened. You start living for him, in ways that will please him, you can't give any suggestion, you become what my mum calls " AN OH YES MISTRESS" you say yes to everything even if it doesn't suit you just to avoid being beaten or shouted at, you even go to the extent of telling yourself "I made him hit me". You have lost yourself and identity as a person.
You can not live that way even if you choose to because you are dieing inside, remember we can live just once. You think that is love? if yes then you are foolish, (JESUS CHRIST SHOWED US LOVE) do you remember that when you get beaten or flogged like a nursery school child, depending on the way it comes, his eyes were wide open and if actually he uses his hands a times, so that skin of yours never stopped him? a little argument and you get a slap, "oh I told you to stop talking to that guy, so you are cheating on me", now you get the full dose of it. You give account of everything you do but can not question him. His apologies are not enough, and will never be. Do you care about yourself, future, those who love you, your children, and extended family or is it all about what or how you feel? OK then try slapping him when he starts beating you, to your surprise he will stop for some seconds in shock looking at you straight into your eyes and say "you just slapped me" forgetting that some minutes or seconds ago he was hitting you so hard, and you call that love.
You get to the point were you start living for it, preparing for the next round, praying it doesn't occur in the presence of your friends, you are never right, maybe if he uses his belt a times you start thinking which you prefer, his belt or hand. Now you are frustrated, humiliated and battered. If you are married it can extend to your children, then if you are just in a relationship you might start seeing all men as the same, feeling less important, you start looking older than you are (a times), ladies even get forced sexually, if you are in school your education starts shaking. There are so many things that will fall apart in your life if care is not taken.
Domestic violence can not be managed, it kills. Many people have died trying to cover it up, hoping things will change. If you die from domestic violence in a country where the laws are not so strong it will only take 3 months or less for the police to give up on their investigation. Be wise, stop collecting gifts, stop giving excuses for being forced to bed or getting hit, saying "he was so horny, he is so into me, he was so angry". You need to speak out, if you can remember the word slave, thats what gradually you turn into. No one is saying do not obey who so ever you are in a relationship with but things differ, brutality is brutality, submission is submission. When he comes back late do you beat him up? NO, you just ask and immediately you get a slap or shout (what so ever). You need to speak out, its not easy telling another person your family or relationship issue but remember if you die much more people would hear about it, that is if he gets caught. Do you want other people to learn from your experience?. If you are married speak to a family member, there are domestic violence organizations in every country, go and visit one, or tell the police. For those in a relationship it is the plain truth you need to leave, take a step forward, this is the man you will spend the rest of your life with, are you going to choose sorrow over joy, trouble over peace, or do you want to keep hiding those bruises and keep missing school, work and avoiding friends? You do not want to tarnish his image, does he care about making you go through pain, what pains the most is seeing the truth and not saying it. You need a change, speak out, no one is an island, no matter how small it may be domestic violence remains domestic violence. Do not try to make it romantic or colorful, doing that makes you more stupid and fragile, be truthful to yourself, even if you are the wrong one, no man should hit a woman. There are many ways to settle issues or punish her for the wrong she did, ladies sit up, speak up and move on.
BY MELODY JACOBS
please share and pass this message, you can save a life today.
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