One of the difficult aspects of leaving a toxic relationship is for the individuals involved to come to the realization that they are in a toxic relationship. This can be excused for many other behaviors and also seen as love. As humans, we have a bit of toxicity in us. We do things that might not be acceptable at some point in life but when it is a constant habit the alarm should start ringing so loudly. When you can identify early signs of a toxic relationship you can be able to figure out ways to break out of it.
I asked a question on Quora which I am also asking everyone reading this article.
How do you identify toxicity at the early stage of a relationship?
More on mental health.
Photo by logan hansen from Pexels
Some signs that a relationship is toxic:
ReplyDeleteYou argue often, about small things.
You argue about the same things, over and over again.
You argue about basic things, like whether it’s okay or not for an ex to have a sleepover with them.
The person has no regard for your feelings.
They insult you.
They make discouraging comments about your likes and interests.
They make you feel hard to love.
If the only time the “relationship” seems fine is when you are kissing and cuddling and the rest of the time you are arguing or ignoring each other, that is the sign of a toxic relationship. Life is too short for toxic relationships.
ReplyDeleteJealousy without a doubt is what you want to look out for. Toxic people want you all to themselves. They try to separate you from friends and family.
ReplyDeleteWhen you consider persevering with the relationship because you think in time, it might get better.
ReplyDeleteIf the control sets in early. My abuser in the beginning didn’t want discuss certain topics as we could before as friends. Like politics, religion, ghosts, e.t.c. I was taken aback but had just assumed the relationship was new and we both didn’t want to shake things up so early. After months, it was still an issue to discuss because he felt it would lead to an argument. I didn’t want to rock the boat or pressure an uncomfortable conversation we were not ready for. But more signs came that I didn’t recognize immediately. When the rules change when the line is drawn between friendship and a relationship, then red flag!
ReplyDeleteControlling and insulting are usually early tell signs I think.
ReplyDeleteactually it starts with not complimenting and kind words. and not doing things together. a slippery slop or an avalanche may soon follow. is easy to play it off, give them an excuse/ make excuses for. When we for get that we are special, and let or except negative words or actions. and one is left wondering how did we get here in this toxic place. the answer is at some point we forgot we are Gods children an deserve to be loved ❤, and to love our selfs.
ReplyDeleteHun that's the new fashion …I guess…once the pass your boundries…be disrespectful…disrespectful ignores your calls or text…put you at the end of the list when both of you had arranged to be togheter …name calling…physical …others..
ReplyDeleteMelody, listen to I Dream of You Starry Knight Project.
ReplyDeleteIf he doesn”t feel that way towards you it is time to part
If you argue and fight over 10 times a month, if you can’t resolve anything by talking, it’s time to terminate the relationship.
ReplyDeleteThere are several indicators that you can observe to know when to leave a relationstionship. Firstly when you realise that your spouse does not want to pay attention to you. In orther words, when you she him/her ingnoring you, then you should know that it is the right time to leave a relationship. Unfaithfulness is the factor number one that should make an individual to leave a relationship. If you realise that your spouse is cheating on you, then you should stop that relationship with immediate effect. This is because there are various negative effects of unfaithfulness even in the life the people in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure, because I took these signs to be the start. But to me, when my partner started to ‘push’ me around physically. And his shoves became harder and more intense despite my telling him not to be so rough, I decided that I should leave, because he had no respect for me.
ReplyDeleteThe narcissist I dealt with tried to begin the physical abuse! after two times I contacted the police and he was scared of the authorities….then he began talking to his mom and family about me SMEAR CAMPAIGNING! Stay on the phone for hours talking About everyone and their faults except his own…..then planning things that I had suggested taking the credibility! I don’t know about all NARCS it this one had no original thoughts of his own!
ReplyDeleteHe wasn’t very intelligent but street smart which made up for some of his naive and non classy tactics. PRETTY MUCH…..why does GOOD GIRLS LIKE BAD BOYS antic.
Then it began with isolating you from everyone to include family! Being in lust not love that I found out 29 years later was not working for me! I stayed doing all of his talking for him any business paperwork etc!
so these are some things not all to make u want to RUN FAST AND NOW!
You are tense mutch of the time, you're not sleeping well, you are not eating properly.
ReplyDeleteYou have mixed feelings towards the person, you crave them but you fear them too.
You feel confused much of the time, like everything you have ever known might actually be wrong.
The better you treat them, the worse they treat you.
They are constantly telling you that you are too sensitive and that you should not be offended by the things they say and do.
They are critical of your character and repeatedly tell you that they used to be like you, until they saw the light…
They clearly have relationship problems with other people, like their family, friends or coworkers.
You think you should be happy, but you just are not happy overall.
Let’s face it; relationships are hard work. They take a lot of time, emotional involvement, and effort. Even the most successful long-term relationships have their difficulties over the years. But when are you going to step on the brakes and say you’ve had enough!
ReplyDeleteHere are 9 signs of a toxic relationship :
1.Physical violence
Under no conditions, your partner should put his hand on you; if your relationship has declined to such an extent that you are physically abused, it is time to leave. The need to leave is even more urgent if there are children in the picture. Violence is unhealthy in any situation, and legal action must be taken.
2.Sexual Harassment
Fewer people may think of sexual abuse in a relationship, but more than half of women victims of sexual violence report being raped by an intimate partner. Any sexual activity or contact you did not consent to is considered sexual abuse, even if the perpetrator is your significant other. If you have been a victim, you should consult with a sexual harassment attorney.
3.Lie or cheat
Honesty is the foundation of any stable relationship. Without it, everything falls apart. There’s not much point in trying to save the relationship if you can’t trust the other person, especially if there are documented instances of infidelity. Until you are caught in a web of deceit and betrayal, lies will only lead to more lies, which is not ideal for a long-term commitment. Save yourself the pain and walk away.
4.Addiction Issues
As anyone who has been involved with an addict knows, you can’t have a real relationship with someone who is experiencing a mental health crisis until they choose to seek help. It usually doesn’t happen until they hit the bottom. Don’t become codependent. Believing that you can magically “heal” your partner with the power of your love will only make your grief worse.
5.Communication failure
Open and honest communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If that breaks, everything else fails, too. If your partner can’t listen to you or doesn’t participate in meaningful discussions, it may be time to rethink what you want. Even if you’re not comfortable communicating honestly with your significant other, think about why you feel that way.
i hope my answer helps you .
Great discussion prompt, Melody! I think if at first something feels off, it is worth investigating. Don't compromise yourself or your values for another person. Some toxic people, unfortunately, are very manipulative and can fool even the most aware people, so it may hard to tell if someone is toxic early on in a relationship. But I really think as soon as something feels "not quite right", there is never any harm in looking into it further. I am a firm believer that everyone has their limits as well and will leave toxic relationships as soon as they can't take it anymore. And that limit is super personal and cannot be dictated by another. Thanks for linking up.
ReplyDeleteShelbee
www.shelbeeontheedge.com
You can’t be yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou know when
ReplyDeleteYou watch what you say
You tailor your wardrobe to make them happy
You are defending your choices, thoughts and feelings
You are the sole caretaker of the relationship
You do all the chores and or pay all the bills
You can't have boundaries
You feel unappreciated and undervalued
You can't relax and be you
As soon as it feels like it. When you find yourself questioning if it’s unhealthy. Somethings just are. We feel them and we know however we seek affirmative from others in helping us name it before we consider walking away. You know you, you know what feels good and what doesn’t. So perhaps you need to sit and have a good talking to with yourself. Know your value and honor it. You are worthy and you are the most important you to yourself. If you can not find a space in yourself to recognize your beauty your value and your worth know others will not recognize it as well. If it feels wrong, it’s wrong. This may not be your person. Says someone who was mistreated with a coke and a smile, I did not know I worth more. I was happy to get what I was receiving.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you already know by asking that question
ReplyDeleteAfter you are with him or her, you don't become a better version of yourself, but become worse and worse.
ReplyDeleteSuitable people will help each other, while unsuitable people will use laziness, deceit, anger, and irritability, which will affect your state very badly and pull you down the abyss.
and when he or she:
He didn't show up when you needed him most.
You registered for acute gastroenteritis alone, because he said he happened to be socializing outside. You have to take the medicine and get the injection by yourself. There will be many difficult moments in life that need the support of the two. If he does not appear this time, he will not appear next time.
cheating
violence
The horror of violence is not the pain of flesh and blood, but the complete tearing of the trust between the two. From then on, you know that there is something in his heart that is out of control. You don't know when he will release the beast that hurt you, insult you, beat you, or even kill you. No matter how gentle he is on weekdays, once you are sure that there is a violent beast living in him, please leave him as soon as possible.
Love to show off
He was hanging on his mouth: "Who and who likes her, who knows who and who, and what kind of occasions they come and go." People who love to show off generally have an inferiority heart. He is eager to put everything he has experienced and everyone he knows on his belt and put it on the table. First of all, getting along with such a person cannot break his self-confidence. , Very tired.
When you see no progress or change in almost every faces of your relationship sphere. When you feel like you are burden by the relationship instead of being worry free. When you think you care more so much and you clearly are being taken for granted . Too many years of feeling like these will weight on your shoulders and cause melancholy and may make you feel insecure. Relationships need to work two ways for it to work. If you do all the leg work in keeping the relationship, and you know when you are doing all the efforts ; then that relationship will eventually tip over. My wife and I rented a tiny boat once. Amidst crossing the lake, my oar snapped in half and we were left with only her oar to paddle our way back to the dock. It was so difficult to paddle back with one single oar. We were going in circle, to the point that we had to yell for help. You cannot be the only one paddling your boat in a relationship. In a sense, you are better off swimming on your own to safety. My relationship with my wife came to fruition after I broke off with her for 5 years. She became toxic and was living a dangerously precarious life. We had two kids at the time, and I was doing all the work in keeping the relationships for the sake of the kids. But it became too much and she was dragging my career down and all of my dreams. So I decided to leave her and I had full custody of the kids. 5 years later, she realized all her mistakes and we became friends. We stayed friends and eventually the relationship rekindled. She was completely a different person than I once knew. And we got back together so smoothly as if all that had happened in the past never really caused any damaged in our relationship. Life can be beautiful if you let life happens. So don’t be afraid to follow your heart. When you heart feels heavy inside and you just feel like its too much to handle; listen to it and you will feel a sigh of comfort that you once had. Breaking up can be very healthy for you. You know when its the right thing to do. Just listen to your heart. The brain will reason and fight the heart, but in my case, I listened to my heart.
ReplyDelete