The big question is, do you really have to yell?
You've been attempting to communicate your message, but it's not going through. It's driving you crazy, and you're a little upset, so you decide to take a different approach.
You yell.
Now and then, concert-level volume is appropriate, such as when announcing "There's a bear behind you" or "Power line down." But the main question is: how frequently do those scenarios arise? Rarely, is the answer.
You yell.
Now and then, concert-level volume is appropriate, such as when announcing "There's a bear behind you" or "Power line down." But the main question is: how frequently do those scenarios arise? Rarely, is the answer.
Next, how often do you reach that level of intensity? "Too often," is the response. You're well aware that it doesn't work. It's never pleasant. It never improves the situation. You simply want to stop doing it.
It's great that you want it, but you'll need more to make it happen. Playing detective to find your triggers might help, as can setting realistic expectations, because beneath the yelling is tension, which isn't going away.
How can you regulate yourself in a tight situation?
Begin with the fundamentals.
It helps to understand why we yell in the first place before we can stop.
We could be in a discussion and feel as if we aren't being heard. We take it as an insult, become irritated, and the limbic system of the brain interprets it as a threat, triggering the fight-or-flight reaction.
Our blood pressure rises, our respiration shallows and our muscles stiffen. We can start making assumptions now that our history is about to repeat itself again. Everything moves faster when we're high on adrenaline, and our focus narrows. "We don't think about innovative ideas as effectively when we're in survival mode. The first order of business is to defend, flee, or fight.
It's also not a one-man show. We're yelling at someone, and our attempt to exert control over the situation provokes that individual, resulting in the aforementioned emotional and physiological responses, as well as the possibility of a shouting match.
There's one additional aspect that's often overlooked: the element of flight. We aren't making a lot of noise, but we aren't calm or searching for ways to improve things. Chronopoulos describes it as "almost a freeze reflex."
The idea is to create a middle ground where you can be more in tune with the other person rather than fighting or fleeing.
The path to take
It is possible to be calm while yelling. Deep breathing, interrupting the conversation, and/or walking away from the trigger can help break the dynamic, although it's challenging. Fear is a primal emotion, and once we're in it, our bodies become hijacked. The best path is to rehearse tactics before you need them. In a heated situation, you can't just relax.
Related read:THIS IS HOW TO EVOKE CALMNESS
It all begins with consciousness.
Over the course of a week, keep track of your conduct, recording what provoked your ranting and your anger on a scale of zero to ten. Consider everything that was involved, including the people, issues, and place, as well as whether you had eaten or slept properly, as self-care has an impact on your ability to handle stress.
When you assign a numerical value to your anger, it becomes more objective. You can tell the difference between a 1, 4, and an 8 in the early phases and are better able to handle things. When you write down your observations, you'll notice patterns and begin to consider ways to avoid potential problems. Avoiding particular people, or scheduling a potentially difficult interaction for when you're at your best are all examples.
Deep breathing can be beneficial.
There is no such thing as a magic number. People have their own ways of doing things. Simply notice your breathing, or even walk away and count to ten, according to Chronopoulos. The outcome is the same. Your thoughts have shifted away from the stress and toward something more practical and concrete. When you're calm, another exercise is to gradually relax your muscles. You'll be able to tell when your body is relaxed and when it is tense as a result. It's referred to as "discrimination training" by Chronopoulos. You can use this information to remind yourself to do simple things like dropping your shoulders or unclench your hands.
Another tool is imagery.
Plan out your day and how you'll manage the tricky situations. It won't be the first time you've experienced something like this when it happens in real life.
In the real world, an aggressive discussion is preferable to ranting or silently fuming. It's all about speaking in the first person, stating the issue, and not naming the other person. It really irritates me when you say X, and then you shift into asking, what can we do to make this work? It progresses from competitiveness to compromise. Our voice has the potential to be a tool for conflict resolution.
You can strive to never yell, but it's possible that it will happen.
Finally, keep in mind that none of the aforementioned methods are foolproof. You can't anticipate every circumstance or remain vigilant at all times. Because every day is different, you can have diverse reactions to the same event. Chronopoulos says, "We're never in a static state of consciousness." However, by taking these steps, we're placing ourselves in a better position to have more control over our emotions and respond more effectively.
