Your sexual life is no different from any other aspect of your life in that it changes with time.
"Health problems, physical changes, or changes in desire are just a few of the challenges that partners in relationships face that can affect intimacy," says Dr. Sharon Bober, director of the Sexual Health Program at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, which is affiliated with Harvard. "Older couples often have core beliefs, including that their sex life is bound to diminish or that individuals need to conform to a certain ideal as they age, but with communication, planning, and creativity, both partners can continue to enjoy a satisfying sexual relationship over time."
Here are three typical problems that older couples encounter and how to resolve them:
Get into a rut
Most long-term partners eventually fall into romantic ruts. Here are some ways to get back on course.
Restart your dating life. Your fulfilling sexual life doesn't start in the bedroom. Plan regular dates with your significant other and think about doing things that are novel for you both, such as attending a class together, taking part in a local event, or taking an impromptu overnight or weekend romantic getaway. "Doing something different and unexpected can offer a shared sense of excitement that increases desire and can bring you and your partner closer together, which also helps cultivate desire," Dr. Bober says.
Turn it around. Pay more attention to your partner's happiness and contentment and less attention to yourself. According to Dr. Bober, "this can be a big turn-on for both people."
out of sync
There are times in many couples' relationships when there is unequal desire. "When one partner wants sex more often than the other, this can lead to frustration for both partners," Dr. Bober explains. Finding common ground and a deeper understanding of one another's needs are essential to getting back in sync. As an example:
Experiment with various approaches to satisfy. You may concentrate more on "outercourse," which is focusing your energy and attention on manual stimulation and foreplay with your partner, such as kissing, massaging, or cuddling in bed while nude. Watching videos or exchanging erotic fiction are further options. "Make the emphasis on intimacy, sensuality, and closeness without the pressure of having a romantic encounter always leading to intercourse," Dr. Bober advises.
Make time for personal connection. To get back into rhythm, you occasionally have to force sex to happen. "This way, neither partner needs to feel pressured to initiate, but rather, you can look forward to and anticipate a romance encounter together," Dr. Bober suggests. Since desires can differ from person to person and throughout the day and night, it's important to discuss when is best and try to come to a compromise.
Low energy
Menopausal symptoms, such as dry vagina, can have an impact on older women's desire and level of sexual satisfaction. Low testosterone levels or erectile dysfunction are typically the causes of low sexual energy in men.
ED, or erectile dysfunction. Because ED can be a blow to one's self-esteem, men with the disorder may have low energy. "Men may feel embarrassed about not being able to get or keep an erection or worry they cannot perform as well as they once did, so motivation and energy for sex can diminish along with that worry," Dr. Bober says.
Drugs for ed can be beneficial by increasing the penis's blood flow. Research indicates that in roughly 70% of healthy men, they can aid in achieving an erection strong enough to initiate sexual activity. The three most often prescribed drugs are tadalafil (Cialis), avanafil (Stendra), and sildenafil (Viagra). Consult the doctor about the best medication and dosage. Other therapies may be an option if ED medications are ineffective or if you are unable to handle side effects like headaches, flushing, upset stomach, or dizziness. Consider a penile band, sometimes referred to as an ED ring, or a vacuum pump, for example, if maintaining an erection is a challenge.
Low testosterone. The male sex hormone, testosterone, starts to decline by roughly 1% annually in a man's late 30s and can drop by as much as 50% by the time he is 70 years old. One common side effect is fatigue. Men with low testosterone levels may find their energy returned with the use of absorbable pellet implants, injections, topical gels, or patches. After performing a blood test to measure your testosterone levels, your doctor can go over your options for testosterone therapy.
