It is time to stop over-apologizing and refocus on personal goals

Let me just drop this here. As many of you know, I love sharing the things I’ve learned while living this beautiful life God gave me. There are times in life when you need to stop apologizing and focus on your yourself and goals.

I once offended someone, and it wasn’t a minor offense. This was a situation that, if we sat down to discuss openly, would be understood differently by different people. Some people I spoke to said that wrong is wrong, but in this situation, I was not the only one at fault. Some people also said I take the majority of the blame due to the way I reacted, but that does not mean the situation did not have a root cause.

I kept apologizing over and over for more than a year, but at a certain point, I realized that this person had become accustomed to my apologies. It was no longer about the situation; the apologies reassured them that I was still in pain. I decided to test something, and now I want to share it with you.

Before I get into that, here are some things I’ve learned: never apologize more than twice. If you are genuinely sorry, don’t keep repeating it. Instead, apologize sincerely, and then take steps to correct the issue. Allow the other person to heal and decide whether they want to continue communicating with you. You cannot force people to forgive you, and that’s a part of life I appreciate. I offer a sincere apology, but if it's not accepted, I leave it between them and God. I refuse to be part of a grieving cycle or to stay stuck in that situation. If someone enjoys being sad, I won’t join them in their sadness. I choose happiness, and it’s okay if someone doesn’t want to forgive me, but I won’t put my life on hold waiting for them to move on from that situation. That can never be me again. If I have a goal, my focus will be on that goal.

So, here’s what I did. I invited this person, made some good food, and tried to ensure everything was fine. We had a conversation about the situation, as we had done several times, and discussed how to improve communication. But at the end of the day, the same thing always happened: when it seemed like I was feeling better and happier, this person would start acting sad. They would go sit in another room and expect me to ask what the issue was again. This way, we would rehash the same issue repeatedly, keeping it fresh and unresolved. This person would be happy with everyone except me. Meanwhile, we had mutual friends who had offended them deeply, yet they communicated with those friends. My situation was different; it graduated from just an offense to a hunt for my happiness.

I noticed that the only time they wanted to stay on the phone with me was when we were discussing that issue. If I tried to bring up anything else, they quickly lost interest and wanted to end the call. They thrived on this issue, trying to make me feel bad. I snapped out of it, which didn’t sit well with them. In our last conversation, they kept repeating the same issue, and I got tired of it. I zoned out of the chat and ignored them.

The lesson I want to share today is that no one is perfect, and no one should play God in your life. Some people will use an offense to control and manipulate you, revealing bad behaviors they couldn’t otherwise act out.

It’s time to stop saying sorry and start focusing on yourself and your goals. If they want to stay stuck in the past, let them stay there alone. Life is fragile; don’t let anyone make you stagnant in a situation that can be turned around for good. Be your own source of strength, pray and keep moving forward.