In my previous post, I mentioned it would be my last, but when I came across this news today, I felt compelled to share my thoughts.
For every country I have lived in, visiting restaurants has been one of the fun things I enjoyed doing. Never have I been obligated to give tips. Even in Ukraine, where I really enjoyed the services when I went out, I was never obligated or talked down to by a delivery person or server to give tips. I did it at will. The same applies to Hungary and here in the UK. However, I know experiences can differ from person to person.
When my friend traveled to America, she told me that waiters and servers gave her bad looks and even asked her to tip them. She was about to leave a restaurant, and a waiter asked her outright, “Where is my tip?” I was shocked when she said this happened several times in different places. I kept wondering: how are waiters allowed to harass customers like this and get away with it?
I’m not sure about the laws in America regarding tipping, but the broad understanding is that tips are given as a way for customers to appreciate good service, purely by choice. There is no obligation.
Today, while browsing through Instagram, I came across news about a case I’d heard about before, but now I got the full details. Seeing the face of the lady who stabbed another human being over a $2 tip was shocking. According to the story in the media, she made a delivery to someone staying in a motel and was tipped $2. She left but returned later with a man, forced their way into the person’s room, and stabbed the person several times.
The stabbed woman found out she was pregnant while receiving treatment in the hospital, according to NBC news. The 22-year-old woman who carried out the stabbing is facing charges of attempted murder.
This tragic incident highlights a deeper issue within society, particularly among the youth. The sense of entitlement and lack of accountability have led to behaviors that are both alarming and destructive. How do you justify harming someone over a personal choice like tipping?
People who take delivery or service jobs made that choice—no one forced them. Even if someone felt compelled by circumstances, they still chose to work because only those of working age are allowed to do such jobs. Whether it’s a well-paying job or not, everyone is navigating this tough economy. We’re all struggling, so there’s no excuse for entitlement.
There are many things that some waiters, servers, and delivery people fail to acknowledge as adults:
Not everyone picking up a delivery is ordering for themselves. Some are collecting food for someone else who didn’t include a tip because it’s not mandatory.
Some people are sick, elderly, or barely surviving on pensions. They may only order food occasionally to avoid cooking, but they simply don’t have extra money to give as a tip.
Some people just don’t want to give a tip—and that’s perfectly fine.
Entitlement is the root of greed. Expecting people to keep money aside for you breeds a mindset that could lead to theft and, as seen in this case, even violence. Greed and entitlement together are a dangerous mix.
Some people genuinely can’t afford to tip. Times are hard, and not everyone has the luxury of extra cash.
Some people are simply having a bad day. They might not be in the mood to give anything, and that’s okay.
Tipping culture varies across countries. In some cultures, tipping is not expected or common practice. Expecting everyone to follow the same rules is unreasonable.
The cost of the service is already included for some people. Some assume that when they pay for their meal or delivery, the full cost, including service, is already covered.
A tip is a reward, not an entitlement. It should be seen as a bonus for exceptional service, not something owed simply because someone is doing their job.
Respect for customers is key. Harassing or shaming someone for not tipping doesn’t win you sympathy; it pushes people away and creates a hostile environment.
There are people who haven't had pizza or something for months, and maybe it's their birthday, and they want to treat themselves to the little they have.
Now, before anyone starts blaming mental illness, this is a grown adult who knew exactly what she was doing. This wasn’t about mental health—this was greed, entitlement, wickedness, and cruelty, plain and simple. Society needs to stop making excuses. Nobody’s life is perfect. We’re all facing challenges in this world, and every path we take comes with consequences, good or bad.
This behavior is a pure reflection of greed, entitlement, wickedness, and a lack of basic humanity. I hope the victim gets the justice they deserve because what kind of world are we living in? Imagine ordering food, and someone stabs you because they weren’t happy with their tip. It’s madness.
I know many parents are doing their best, but this is a reminder to guide your children diligently. Put in the effort during their formative years, when you can still shape their character and instill good values. Keep an eye on their friends, the places they visit, and their activities. While you can’t always be with them, your influence during childhood and adolescence can make a lasting impact. Even when they become adults, your guidance and support remain important. Without proper upbringing, children may fall into harmful influences or follow misguided societal standards. The consequences of these choices can be severe and life-altering.
This reminds me of what the Bible says about the end times. In 2 Timothy 3:1–5, it warns:
"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people."
Also, in Matthew 24:12, it says, Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold."
These are sobering reminders of the state of the world today and where we may be headed. Let’s take a moment to reflect on our actions, realign our values, and strive for a better humanity—one where respect, kindness, and accountability guide our behavior.
Se non ricordo male in America dare la mancia è considerato una cosa ovvia, addirittura ci sono dei ristoranti dove la mettono direttamente nel conto.
ReplyDeleteEsempio 100 dollari di cena e 10% fisso di mancia.
Non ho però idea da dove nasca questa consuetudine.
I’ve been to a restaurant where they add the tip as part of the total charge, and I paid but never went back. My reason is simple: tipping should be a choice, something you do out of your own free will and what you can afford, especially if you’ve already paid for your food. If a restaurant openly states that tipping is included in the total payment, then it's part of their business, and you know what you're getting into. However, most places I’ve visited have always made tipping optional, and it's never added automatically like you mentioned.
DeleteEven with services like Uber Eats, tipping is a choice because you already pay for the items at a higher price, as well as for the delivery. No one should ever feel pressured or “stabbed” for not giving a tip—that's just wrong, and anyone who does that should be held accountable.
In effetti la mancia nasce come una scelta... Se mi sono trovato bene e il servizio mi ha soddisfatto lascio la mancia.
DeleteLo scopo di fatto dovrebbe proprio essere quello di avere come risultato un servizio migliore
Exactly, Stefania! You’ve hit the nail on the head—tipping was originally meant to be a choice, a way to show appreciation for excellent service. The idea was to encourage and reward good service, creating a positive incentive for servers to go above and beyond.
DeleteUnfortunately, the concept has shifted in some places, turning into an expectation or obligation, which defeats its original purpose. The focus should always be on providing great service first, with tips being a reflection of the customer’s satisfaction, not a default requirement.
Thank you for sharing this thoughtful perspective!
Hi Melody, I am shocked because here in my country Portugal, we only give tips if we want to, and the service provided was good, it is not an obligation, but a question of good manners. This type of attitude only demonstrates the lack of empathy of certain societies and their way of acting and thinking, which is not at all what I am used to, at least in my country, and in several countries that I have visited in Europe and Asia.
ReplyDeleteI loved to be here.
Many Light.
AnaMaria
Hi Anna. I completely understand your shock—cultural norms around tipping can vary so much from country to country. In Portugal, as you mentioned, tipping is seen as a gesture of appreciation for good service, not as an obligation, and that makes total sense. It’s refreshing to hear that you value good manners and empathy, as they seem to be in short supply in places where tipping has become a coercive practice.
DeleteThe lack of empathy you’ve observed in certain societies is indeed concerning, and it highlights the importance of maintaining respect and kindness, no matter where we are. It’s great to hear that you’ve experienced a more positive culture of service in Europe and Asia, where generosity and gratitude are treated with the respect they deserve.
I’m glad you enjoyed being here, and thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts!
Very interesting! Thank you for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteOlá, querida amiga Melody!
ReplyDeleteTodo lugar que vamos (até na praia nos quiosques), já vem embutida a gorjeta na nota ao final - dez por cento do total.
Eles vivem disso, os garçons. Passa a ser mais do que o próprio salário.
Tenha dias abençoados!
Beijinhos
Hello, Roselia. I appreciate your input, but I think there’s a misconception here that needs to be addressed. While it’s true that in some places, tips are automatically added to the bill, this practice doesn’t mean tipping should always be mandatory or part of the salary. In many cases, it’s intended as a convenience, but it can also lead to situations where customers feel pressured to pay an additional amount, even if the service was not up to standard.
DeleteThe issue of waiters relying heavily on tips is a larger conversation about fair wages. Ideally, service workers should be paid a fair, livable wage by their employers, not have their earnings dependent on the generosity or expectations of customers. While tipping can be a nice gesture, it should never be used to compensate for inadequate wages.
So, while some may live off tips, it’s important to consider why that’s the case and question whether that system is truly fair for both workers and customers. Hope this clears up the issue! Have a blessed day as well.
I’m in California and I’ve seen it all, from one extreme to the next. The bigger cities you do find that elitism - where the tip is automatically added on. In rural California where I’m now living, you tip if you want. We get no dirty looks or anything. It’s now law here in Ca that fast food workers, In McDonald’s etc get $20 an hour now, whereas restaurant servers do not which might be one reason they get snarky in the bigger cities with little to no tip - which of course does not justify their behavior.
ReplyDeleteWe live in fallen world and it becomes apparent in the many ways people treat others. It’s all about “them” and “their needs”. Really sad.
This was interesting Melody. Keep spreading the Word!
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It’s fascinating—and a little disheartening—to hear about the stark contrasts within California itself. The automatic tipping in bigger cities can feel elitist and impersonal, while the choice and understanding in rural areas seem much more reasonable. The wage disparity between fast food workers and restaurant servers is an excellent point—it likely fuels resentment in some cases, though, as you said, it doesn’t justify rude behavior.
DeleteYou’re absolutely right; the way people treat others often reflects deeper issues in society, prioritizing ‘me’ over ‘we.’ It’s a sad reality, but conversations like this help raise awareness and encourage kindness and fairness.
Thank you for your kind words, and I’ll certainly keep sharing the message. Wishing you peace and blessings in the New Year!
Por lo general en mi pais damos propinas cuando queremos y en algunos sitios otros no. Pero esa cultura se va muriendo. No conocía ese caso pero si conocía el caso de un influencer que por recibir clics dio una propina de 3000 mil dólares para luego cancelarla cuando ya salió en sus redes y recibió elogios. Te mando un beso y te deseo un feliz año.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing! It’s interesting how tipping culture varies so much from country to country, and I can see how these changes might affect attitudes over time. That case with the influencer is shocking—it shows how tipping, especially when used for personal gain or publicity, can lose its genuine meaning. It’s unfortunate when actions meant to be kind or generous are manipulated like that.
DeleteI truly appreciate your thoughtful comment. Sending you a big hug, and wishing you a very Happy New Year filled with joy and positivity!
Io non mi sento in dovere di dare la mancia, i camerieri sono già pagati per ciò che fanno. Saluti, buon anno.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your response! I completely understand where you're coming from. In an ideal world, waiters would be fairly compensated by their employers, and tipping wouldn't be necessary to supplement their income. Unfortunately, in many places, workers are paid less than the minimum wage, and waiters, servers, or delivery workers are not the only group of workers struggling with low wages.
DeleteUn'usanza che assume aspetti diversi, a seconda del paese che prendiamo i considerazione.
ReplyDeleteBuon anno
That’s absolutely true! Tipping customs do vary greatly depending on the country, and it’s important to understand the cultural context behind them. However, while customs may differ, the core principle should remain the same: tipping should always be a voluntary act based on the quality of service, not an obligation or expectation. In some countries, tipping is included as part of the service charge, while in others, it’s entirely up to the customer. Regardless of the custom, it's essential to consider fair wages for workers, so they aren’t relying solely on tips to make a living. Understanding these nuances can help us approach the topic with empathy and fairness.
DeleteHola! en Estados unidos la propina forma parte del salario de los camareros porque tienen sueldos muy bajos, ahora no sé si es el 10 o el 20% de la factura.
ReplyDeleteHello! While it’s true that many servers in the United States rely on tips to supplement their income due to low base wages, there is no law mandating a specific percentage, such as 10% or 20%, that customers must tip. Tipping is entirely discretionary and based on individual choice and satisfaction with the service provided.
DeleteIt's also worth noting that in some states, employers are required to ensure that tipped workers earn at least the federal or state minimum wage when tips are factored in. If tips do not bring their earnings up to the legal minimum, the employer must make up the difference.
While tipping has become a cultural norm in the U.S., it’s important to understand that it is not an enforceable obligation. Customers are encouraged to tip as a way of showing appreciation, but they should not be shamed or coerced into doing so. This system also highlights broader issues, such as the reliance on customers to subsidize wages instead of ensuring fair pay through the employer.
I hope this clarifies the situation. Thanks for contributing to the conversation!
I work in an industry where we don't collect tips. It's a shocking situation for me, but I know that people will do all sorts of things for money. The most important thing is that they answer for these crimes. Best wishes for the holidays and Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your perspective. It’s true—different industries handle compensation differently, and it can be surprising to see how tipping culture has evolved in some sectors. The incident mentioned is indeed shocking, and I completely agree that accountability for such crimes is crucial. Wishing you the very best for the holidays as well, and a Happy New Year! May it be filled with peace and positivity.
DeleteEntitlement, aggression, arrogance - no-one should be forced to tip another person. Would we tip the doctor, the appliance repair person, the teacher, the refuse collector?
ReplyDeleteExactly! You’ve summed it up perfectly—entitlement, aggression, and arrogance have no place in the discussion about tipping. No one should feel forced to tip, as it undermines the very purpose of tipping as a gesture of appreciation. We don’t routinely tip professionals like doctors, teachers, or refuse collectors, even though they provide essential services. Why should it be any different for waitstaff or others in similar roles? Tipping should remain a personal choice, not a societal obligation.
DeleteI agree with you: tipping is the reward, not the obligation. The mentioned case is terrible... Some people seem to have gone crazy... I hope no one is unhappy with the tip I give. 😊
ReplyDeleteI wish you serene days!
Happy New Year!
Thank you for understanding and for your thoughtful comment! You're absolutely right—tipping should be seen as a reward, not an obligation. It’s unfortunate how extreme some reactions have become, as in the case mentioned. Let’s hope we can all approach these situations with more kindness and balance. 😊Happy New Year to you too.
DeleteAwful
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be missing the point. In some countries servers are paid very little and their wages are supplemented by tips. It is common practice to tip in such countries. It is the norm. Perhaps you are familiar with the term “when in Rome” - well it applies to tipping.
ReplyDeleteIt seems you’ve overlooked the key message of my post. Let me clarify: I am not opposing the act of tipping, nor have I implied it is inherently bad or wrong. My point is that no one should feel obligated to tip, especially when they are financially unable to do so. There are countless reasons why someone might not tip, and it’s unjust to attack or shame anyone for making that decision—just as in the case of the woman mentioned.
DeleteMost people today are struggling financially, Mr. "Tip Advocate." Many workers are underpaid, yet they manage to get by without relying on the public to supplement their income directly. If someone chooses to tip, that’s commendable. If they don’t, it’s their prerogative. Attacking individuals over their choice not to tip reflects poorly on those doing the attacking, not the non-tippers themselves.
Furthermore, you have conveniently ignored the more serious issue I raised: someone was attacked and stabbed over this matter. Your narrow focus on defending tipping, while disregarding such a critical concern, speaks volumes about your priorities and, quite frankly, your lack of empathy.
As for your comment about "when in Rome, do as the Romans do," it’s an oversimplified and, frankly, narrow-minded argument. This phrase is context-dependent and cannot be applied universally to every cultural or social expectation. Blindly following norms without considering individual circumstances or moral implications is not wisdom; it’s conformity. Not everyone can, or should, align with every societal expectation, especially when it’s unreasonable or imposes undue pressure on people.
Tipping is a personal choice—one that should be free of judgment or coercion. While it is a customary practice in some places, attacking those who cannot or choose not to tip is counterproductive and lacks basic compassion. We should focus on fostering understanding and kindness, not perpetuating divisiveness over something as subjective as tipping.
David, It seems you may have missed the point and have refused to read but just comment. While tipping is common in some countries, it shouldn’t be an expectation or substitute for fair wages. When in Rome is a convenient phrase, but it doesn’t justify a broken system. People deserve fair pay, regardless of the cultural norms around tipping.
DeleteThank you, Juliet, for pointing that out as well. One thing I've come to realize from reading comments is that people often reveal their true personality through the things they write online. It reflects a darker side of their character and way of life. Too often, people rush to comment without fully understanding the issue, overlooking the safety and well-being of others, all for the sake of money. It's heartbreaking how humanity can be sidelined so easily. May God help us. The world truly is a troubling place.
Delete...our granddaughter is a waitress and does extremely with tips!
ReplyDeleteThat's great to hear, and I'm glad your granddaughter is doing well with tips! However, that’s not the point of this article. The discussion here revolves around the idea of tipping being a choice rather than an obligation and the inappropriate behavior towards those who don’t tip. But thanks for contributing to the conversation anyway!
DeleteHello
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this sad story. In my country it's not common to tip, but it is possible to do so, but the tip has to be declared to the tax office in order to be taxed, tips in Portugal pay taxes!
I take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year, may all your dreams come true! Hugs! Much success to you and the blog!
www.marisasclosetblog.com
Hi hi, Maria. Thank you for sharing that insight. It’s interesting to hear that tips are taxed in Portugal; it shows a different approach to ensuring fairness and transparency in compensation. I appreciate your kind wishes, and I also wish you a Happy New Year filled with happiness and success. Hugs and best of luck in everything you do.
DeleteDear Melody,
ReplyDeleteI was shocked by this crime. In Greece we have a large number of delivery workers either individually or as employees of distribution companies. Their salary is autonomous and has no relation to the tip. Unfortunately, however, in many catering and entertainment establishments the tip is calculated on the salary.
This is also a way for the employer to pressure labor wages, an unacceptable way.
My best regards, my dear friend.
Hello, Giannis, I completely agree with you. It’s shocking and unfortunate when such crimes occur, and it’s even more troubling when tipping is used as a way to manipulate wages. The situation in Greece, where delivery workers are often paid autonomously and tips are separate, makes more sense than the practice in many hospitality and entertainment industries where tips are calculated into the salary. It’s an unfair system that shifts the responsibility of paying workers a fair wage onto the customers, which is both unacceptable and exploitative. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
DeleteBest regards to you as well.
Thank you very much, Melody.
DeleteMelody, You’ve made an excellent point, and I completely agree with you. Tipping can be a kind and appreciated gesture, but it should never feel like an obligation. Employers should fairly compensate their employees, preventing customers from feeling compelled to tip after they have already paid for services and dealt with additional costs such as VAT. Instead of relying on customer generosity, fair wages should be first. We need to reconsider the system to guarantee equitable treatment for both workers and customers.
ReplyDeleteI couldn’t agree more, Juliet. Tipping should indeed be a gesture of appreciation, not an obligation. Employers have a responsibility to fairly compensate their employees, which would prevent customers from feeling pressured to tip after already paying for services. Relying on customer generosity is not a sustainable or fair solution.
DeleteHello Melody :) First of all I would like to tell you, if you don't already know, that for two months I was away from blogland, because my computer got spoilt.so I couldn't visit anyone. As for your post about tipping I agree with everything you wrote. I never tip, I catergoricallly disagree with it .People get payed for the service they give, so why should they expect a tip as well. "My compliments to the chef" should suffice, and also a thank you for any other given service. Thank goodness cases like the young woman who was stabbed are few and far between, because such violence is not usually associated with a lack of tipping
ReplyDeleteHave a great 2025 Melody.
All the best
Sonjia.
Hello, Sonjia! I’m so glad to hear from you again, and I completely understand about your computer issues; life happens. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I wholeheartedly agree with you; people should be fairly compensated for their work without relying on tips. A simple 'thank you' or 'compliments to the chef' should indeed be enough. As you said, cases of violence over tipping are thankfully rare, at least from what I know.
DeleteWishing you a wonderful 2025 as well.
It saddens me that a person would do such a thing when given a tip, she received a tip, it may not have been what she was hoping for but it was a tip. We figure if we are going out to eat that we should tip the waitress, I don't know about other countries but here they do not get paid a full wage, their tips is what is supposed to give them their full wage, if people don't tip they don't make enough money to live on. Thankfully we haven't had terrible service so we have always tipped.
ReplyDeleteIt’s truly heartbreaking that some people feel entitled to more than they receive, even when they’ve already been given a tip. While it’s true that in some places, waitstaff rely on tips to supplement their income due to lower wages, it’s important to remember that tipping should never be an obligation, but rather a gesture of appreciation for good service. That said, it’s great to hear that you've always had positive experiences and have shown appreciation through tipping. Fair wages should ultimately be the goal, ensuring workers don’t have to depend on tips just to make ends meet.
DeleteI understand that in America tips are not voluntary and a reward for good service but considered mandatory. Employers under pay their staff on purpose which is why serving staff depend on tips. I experienced 2 awful incidents in America as a result of under tipping. In the first, on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, I left a 10% tip after we experienced poor service and food, and was chased aggressively by the owner. In the second, I was in a large group and someone else had left a tip. We asked staff to call a cab, but it hadn't arrived by closing time so we had to wait outside in the cold. Predictably, it didn't turn up. The story you told of a woman being stabbed is horrific.
ReplyDeleteIt’s unfortunate that you’ve had such negative experiences, and it highlights the larger issue of how tipping is often treated as mandatory rather than a reward for good service. You're right—employers should be paying their staff fairly instead of relying on tips to make up for low wages. It’s deeply troubling that in some places, the expectation of tips leads to aggression or poor treatment of customers, as you experienced in San Francisco. And the situation with the cab is equally frustrating. The horrific story of the woman being stabbed underscores the out-of-control nature of this system when individuals believe they are entitled to more than their earned wages. It’s a sad reality that we need to rethink how we value workers and compensate them fairly.
DeleteEn España no es obligatoria la propina, es voluntaria. Y se da cuando has recibido un buen servicio. Un saludo
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! I agree, tipping should always be voluntary and based on the quality of service. Greetings to you.
DeleteThis is really shocking. In Germany, no one is pressured or forced to tip. But it is common.
ReplyDeletelots of greetings Sabine
Thank you for sharing, Sabine! It’s great to hear that in Germany tipping is common but not pressured—it keeps the act meaningful and voluntary. A system like that fosters genuine appreciation rather than obligation.
DeleteWhat a shocking story, Melody. Here in Belgium, tipping isn't obligatory either, and I do agree that it should be voluntary. I'd happily give a tip when my experience has been a really good one, but would refrain from doing so for mediocre service, let alone a bad one. xxx
ReplyDeleteBelgium’s approach seems to reflect true freedom in choosing to tip based on merit. It’s a great way to ensure kindness remains genuine rather than obligatory.
DeleteMelody, I agree 100% with what you wrote about tips!!! I don't always tip either. I will tell you that, when, I was in Krakow several times during the vacations, I didn't tip. No one asked for a tip.
ReplyDeleteMelody, I salute you and I wish you a good Sunday!
It’s interesting how tipping norms vary so widely across cultures, as your experience in Krakow highlights. In some places, tipping isn’t expected because service workers are already paid fairly—a system that removes the ambiguity and social pressure often felt elsewhere. I know I have repeated this in most of my comments, but again, tipping should be a choice, not an obligation. It can feel much more meaningful for both the giver and the receiver. Thank you for commenting.
DeleteGood post, Melody. I agree with what you say, sometimes we tip and there are other times we don't. It's sad that someone has to get violent over such a non issue but I guess for her it was an issue. Some people tend to ruin things because of their selfish behavior.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughtful response. I agree, it's disheartening that something meant to be a gesture of goodwill can escalate into conflict. Violence over a tip, or the lack thereof, is certainly a reflection of deeper frustrations—perhaps about systemic issues like low wages or entitlement—but it’s no excuse for selfish or aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, when selfish behavior leads to such incidents, it undermines the spirit of generosity and leaves everyone feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps the real issue lies in a system that makes tipping such a contentious point. If workers were paid fair wages upfront, tipping could return to its original purpose: a personal choice to reward exceptional service, not a requirement to fill systemic gaps. As you said, it’s sad to see these situations, but it’s a reminder of how we can strive for better solutions.
DeleteA very interesting article Melody. When I first came to America I found it very strange this tipping. I have lived here for 49 years now and fortunately have never had a bad experience. 99% of the time the staff in the restaurants we have been to are very friendly and have never stood around us waiting for a tip. They do get paid very low wages and tipping is a way of earning the extra to help put food on their table and a roof over their heads. In some restaurants tips are given to the owner and he divides the money equally among his staff. That awful incident you mentioned was outrageous. Thank you for another very interesting article, definitely food for thought.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your perspective and experience. It's fascinating how cultural norms, like tipping, can feel so strange initially and yet become part of our routine over time. You've highlighted an essential aspect of the debate: tipping serves as a way to supplement the low wages many service workers receive, helping them make ends meet.
DeleteHowever, for a world that often proclaims "freedom" so loudly, it's ironic that social pressure around tipping can sometimes feel coercive. When individuals are harassed for tipping lower than expected—or even for choosing not to tip—it undermines the very idea of voluntary generosity, which tipping is supposed to represent.
It's also worth considering that just because something is commonly practiced doesn’t necessarily make it right. In many countries, service workers are paid fair wages without relying on tips, and customers are not burdened with the implicit responsibility of subsidizing an employer's decision to underpay staff. This raises an important question: should the responsibility for ensuring workers earn a livable income fall on the consumer, or is it something society should address more systematically through better wage structures?
Ultimately, as you mentioned, these are "definitely food for thought." The freedom to tip—or not—should not come with the fear of judgment or harassment, and perhaps redefining freedom in this context means respecting individual choices while advocating for a system that doesn’t necessitate such dilemmas.
I know I wrote this post, but I just wanted to leave this comment here for anyone who happens to read it.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I can assure is that for every aggression built or the start of any aggression that becomes a norm, someone sets the precedent—just like this lady who stabbed another woman for not tipping to her expectation. Tipping, while it can help and uplift society, also has its pitfalls. As humans, we tend to normalize what we repeatedly see or know, which is how habits—good or bad—take root over time.
There’s a fine line between being genuinely grateful for something that isn’t owed to you and developing an entitlement that pressures others to conform. It’s dangerous when someone becomes so accustomed to tipping in their environment that they feel cheated when it doesn’t happen, even when it’s not warranted.
A cultural habit that is eroding Nigerian society today is this growing expectation of tips from workers who are already being paid for their jobs. People get harassed, openly called stingy, and this mindset has dug so deep that even basic acts of service now demand a price. In some cases, you might have to pay someone just to give you the right direction to a location. Policemen expect tips for doing their duty. Airport officials delay passengers if they don’t receive tips after a simple greeting. Gatekeepers at large businesses or offices expect tips for opening gates, and when they don’t get them, they go as far as setting people up for kidnappings, branding them stingy.
I could go on, but the crux of the matter is this: something that begins as a gesture of kindness has been twisted into a greedy entitlement. It’s a subtle yet powerful form of manipulation, where people are indirectly told how to spend their money. This is wild—and frankly, it strips away the freedom of giving, which should always remain a personal choice.
Let’s champion true freedom, not selective freedom that only benefits us. Kindness that is forced is no longer kindness. In fact, those two concepts are fundamentally incompatible. Giving should always be an act of will, not a forced obligation.
And for those demanding tips, remember this: the same way you think you need that money, the other person might also be struggling to make ends meet. They might be holding onto every penny just to survive. Kindness should be voluntary, not an expectation that breeds entitlement or aggression.
How terrible that we have reached this point in society, I think that the issue of mental health is increasingly something that must be addressed by government institutions. I think that if precautions are not taken, these types of cases could increase. Where I live, some places do require a tip and even charge a percentage on the bill, but you can choose whether to consume there or in other places that do not force you to do so in case your budget does not fit it.
ReplyDelete
DeleteYou're absolutely right—mental health is a real issue, but we can't blame everything on it. Everyone goes through tough times in life, and it doesn't mean they’ll act out in harmful ways. Sometimes, people just make bad choices or want to cause trouble, and that’s the truth. It’s important to recognize when someone's actions are due to real struggles, but also hold people accountable for being deliberately wicked or irresponsible. It’s great that there are options, but I do think more transparency and flexibility would make things easier for everyone, especially those on tighter budgets.
Tipping culture is getting out of control in N.America! Where it used to have automatic options to tip 10, 15 or 18% its increased to 18, 20 and 25% I've noticed. Of course you can change it to a custom amount but it's getting ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteDanielle’s Beauty Blog
DeleteI totally get what you're saying! It does feel like tipping percentages have been creeping up lately, and it’s frustrating when the options are so much higher than they used to be. Sure, you can always change it, but it can feel like there’s this unspoken pressure to tip more.
U nas w Polsce kwestia napiwków jest na szczęście uznaniowa. To straszne, że niektóre restauracje tak działają. A ta historia, którą przywołałaś jest naprawdę okropna.
ReplyDeleteIn NY, the customer may or may not leave the tip as a percentage on the bill and sign that they agree to do so. In Italy, the tip is automatically included in the bill - the meal fee - at some restaurants, the price being at least 2 EUR/person. The case of the stabbed girl is not a happy one. Probably, the future will be without couriers who deliver the products directly to the door.
ReplyDeleteHow horrible is that stabbing case! Poor girl. I hope she'll recover. Imagine how many disabled people are there who depend on food deliveries and cannot cook for themselves. I hope that this stabbing incident won't become widespread. I hope it's a deed of a deranged individual and not a trend.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you in general, but from I read tipping in USA is a completely different thing than in Europe. It's a whole another discussion and there are different things to consider. So, I'd agree that tipping should be optional, and that people who order food or services don't necessarily even have the money for the tip. However, USA might be an exception to this rule, and there minimal tip should be respected as (from what I understand) people depend on it to survive. Tipping in USA is different than in other countries for a number of reasons, and it is considered mandatory. Many advocates against this tip culture in USA because it ultimately doesn't help the workers who often don't make enough even with tips. I don't think it benefits anyone really as it helps the employers exploit the workers. The tips are not taxed, but they are also not guaranteed, especially in these times. The best solution is for owners of restaurants or delivery services to pay a decent salary to their workers, and for the tips to be optional.
Someone once said the sense of entitlement is a lack of gratitude.
ReplyDeletewww.rsrue.blogspot.com
I enjoyed your post and I think most people will agree with what you have written but I'm afraid about the way way society is changing, what happened to common sense and common decency both seem to be sadly lacking all too often.
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ReplyDeleteEstimado(a)
Que la paz, el amor ,la esperanza sean los compañeros de tu viaje en forma permanente.
Dándote esa fuerza e inspiración y así lograr lo que deseas realizar para tu vida y los demás.
Que lo que emprendas te de razones de sonreírle a la vida y dar el mejor ánimo en el caminar.
¡Un FELIZ AÑO 2025!
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........|000|....... PROSPERO AÑO NUEVO
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¡*ALEGRIA*PAZ*AMOR*!
(¸.•´ (¸.•` * ¸.•´¸.•*´¨)(¸.•´ (¸.•` * ¸.•´¸.•*´¨)
Wow. I'm in the US and that stabbing was not something I'd heard of. That's tragic. On tipping -- in the US there are no rules, only guidelines. Tips are considered as "rewards" for good service -- friendliness, timeliness in term of both server attention and food delivery. In some restaurants, tips are split with bus boys if the wait staff doesn't clean the tables. Originally, tips were only given in sit-down restaurants. Now we see more "tip cups" left at counters of coffee shops, for examples. The suggested minimum has been (for many years) 15 percent of the total bill, with more given for exceptional service or perhaps for challenging customers (those who sit a long while at the table or who request extras often, etc.). It was never printed on the bill as a charge but purely voluntary. Now you are seeing bills come with "suggest tips" up to 30 percent of the bill. On rare occasion, a service charge is included in the bill and no tip is needed or requested. It's very confusing and it seems to be getting out of hand.
ReplyDeleteWhat I noticed when traveling in Europe is either that no tip is required, asked for or expected and that quite often the service charge is added to the bill, which I think is appropriate. I know that in the US, servers are often poorly paid and rely on tips to make a living wage. But the way it is handled feels very wrong. And the stories you shared here about rude people requesting more or even taking out violence are unforgivable.
Here is an interesting anecdote from our most recent trip. We were under the impression that service charge was always included in our English dining spots (the nicer sit-down restaurants) and we had a lovely meal at a Lebanese restaurant called Arabesque in Swiss Cottage, a block from our hotel. The first time we were there, we did not tip the server. We learned a little more in the days that followed and returned to Arabesque, where we had the same server. We gave her a generous tip and told her we hadn't the first time, so we were "making up for it" and thanking her for her good service and our lovely meal. As we left, she handed us a box generously filled with baklava, which shocked us. It was such a gracious gesture and something one would be unlikely to encounter in the US.
Thank you for an informative and interesting post. It's one to return to. I also appreciated the comment discussion
My dear, I'm so glad I met you. You write very wise things and I am happy that you spread the Word of the Lord. In Poland it is not customary to give tips. In my opinion, it is an individual matter. The story you described is terrifying. The current society is without feelings, without moral values. All that matters is money and your position, not whether you are a good person. It's very sad, so I'm glad you're here. I wish you a wonderful, love-filled 2025 and wonderful people around you 😊✨
ReplyDeleteConcordo plenamente com o que escreve. O mundo anda louco a muitos níveis e a intolerância Grassa cada vez mais, o respeito pelo próximo e pelas suas decisões anda muito falho.
ReplyDeleteQue 2025 possa recarregar-nos de Esperança.
Feliz Ano Novo!
Często daję napiwki kurierom za przywiezienie paczki. Nikt nigdy nie zmuszał mnie do tego.
ReplyDeletePozdrawiam serdecznie ❤️
OMG that's shocking! Stabbing sb over a tip? Too low a tip, presumably, because she did get some.
ReplyDeleteI have never thought of giving a tip to someone delivering a parcel and no-one ever expected me to. Sometimes they just leave the parcel on a doorstep, so it's even impossible.
I had not heard of that stabbing but that is shocking! I do know that many states are looking at changing the pay of waitstaff to our minimum wages so that tipping won't be necessary. Sadly so many places pay their waitstaff a pittance (anywhere from $2-$7 an hour) and without good tips they don't make enough to pay their bills (not that stabbing anyone over it is okay or even hassling customers!).
ReplyDeleteShocking news that I had never heard of before now. Here in Canada tips are pretty much expected, though the service is usually wonderful, so tipping is not really a problem.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Querida amiga, te deseo con todo el corazón
ReplyDelete(¸.•´ (¸.•` * ¸.•´¸.•*´¨)(¸.•´ (¸.•` * ¸.•´¸.•*´¨)
¡UN FELIZ AÑO 2025!
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¡*Amor, Paz, Felicidad*!
Abrazos y te dejo un besito, se Feliz
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I was in USA last year and the tipping culture is horrible, I can't even imagine the horror
ReplyDeleteIt is different here in America! Even for things we used to not have to add tips for (to go orders), there is always a tip box on the screen to select. I do leave a tip, even though I'm just paying and grabbing the food.
ReplyDeleteCarrie
curlycraftymom.com
I read that news down here, it's disgusting.
ReplyDeleteWe don't tip here in Australia unless we want to.
Happy New Year, and may it be a good one.
I wish you a Happy New Year with all my heart! May this year bring you a sea of joy, an ocean of luck and endless happiness. May your dreams come true and every day be filled with warmth and kindness.
ReplyDeleteGood morning on the 1st day of goodbye to 2024.
ReplyDeleteMay it be in harmony for all of us.
Beautiful Monday, good and happy 2025, beijinhos ´,~`))))))))
I don't frequent restaurants . And here in the Netherlands it is certainly not obligatory to tip because it is usually already included in the price. You can choose whether you want to or not. Usually there is also a tip jar at the checkout counter where you can put something in voluntarily. This is then distributed among the staff. And if you are very satisfied, tipping is certainly a nice way to thank the staff. But who will pay with a paying card then it is not advisable to tip because then it goes on the big pile and not to the staff. That is a tip here though. Wish you a happy new year.
ReplyDeleteWell last year a pub where we always eat when we are in the UK, put a 10, 15 or 20% tip to te bill. So you had no choice. I thought that was very rude. We always tip, or it has to be very bad service, mostly 8%.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a powerful and heartbreaking reflection. It's shocking to hear about incidents like this. I don't understand entitled people, I swear. Let's all strive for more kindness and understanding in our daily lives.
ReplyDeleteBom dia, Melody
ReplyDeleteTerrível esse crime. Ninguém deve se sentir forçado a dar gorjeta, como você bem colocou aqui, deve ser dada com liberalidade, de acordo com a vontade de cada um. Estamos vivendo tempos trabalhosos, a maldade do ser humano está gritante, somente o amor de Deus nos corações é que vai fazer o individuo viver em paz. Desejo um 2025 repleto das bênçãos de Deus na tua vida e de toda família, obrigada pela presença no meu blog, um forte abraço.
Augúrios vislumbrados,
ReplyDeletedesejos formulados,
sonhos idealizados,
Em 2025, sejam concretizados.
Abençoado Novo Ano feliz, Amiga Melody!
Beijinhos festivos
🥂🍾💐😘
This magnificent text of yours is forceful and addresses to a complex topic, since giving or not tipping a restaurant waiter can be seen from different angles.
ReplyDeleteI am totally against tips, mainly because this translates, in practice, into the restaurant owner paying a lower salary and the waiter accepting it because he is doing the math with tips.
I hope your Christmas was very good.
Happy New Year my dear friend.
Kisses.
Bom dia e uma excelente segunda-feira. Desejo um Feliz 2025, cheio de paz e saúde. Obrigado pela explicação e reflexão.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a happy and prosperous New Year 2025.
ReplyDeleteWhat an absurd story!
ReplyDeleteI'm very sad that there are such bad people in the world :(
And this tip thing is really optional, not mandatory.
https://www.heyimwiththeband.com.br/
I travel a lot, in many countries the tips are already included in the bill, you just have to decide how much to give, in other places you give what you want.
ReplyDeleteLife is difficult for everyone, I think the most important thing is to have respect, kindness and understanding between people. Reflective and Excellent article.
Happy New Year!
Olá, garota! 🤩
ReplyDeleteSeu post é muito reflexivo e aborda questões importantes sobre a cultura da gorjeta e o comportamento humano. Concordo que a gorjeta deve ser uma escolha e não uma obrigação. É chocante ver como a ganância e o senso de direito podem levar a comportamentos tão extremos e violentos. Precisamos refletir sobre nossos valores e promover uma sociedade mais justa e respeitosa.
Obrigada por compartilhar seus pensamentos!
Estou te seguindo! 🌻
Que 2025 seja um ano de transformação e crescimento, onde possamos alinhar nossos desejos e ações, e viver com autenticidade e propósito. Feliz Ano Novo!🥂🍾🎆
I wonder what this is due to. Maybe these people earn little and this is a way for them to earn a decent salary. Because otherwise I don't understand.
ReplyDeleteIt is customary in the USA to leave about 10% of the value of the meal to the waiter. However, it is impolite to ask for a tip from a customer.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year my beautiful friend from UK. Hope you have wonderful Christmas.
I wish you Happy New Year 2025.
ReplyDeleteGreetings orvokki
orvokki4.blogspot.com
¡Hola, Melody! En España es totalmente voluntaria la propina y nunca he visto que me hayan mirado mal por no dejar una, más que nada porque se entiende que en el precio de lo que se consume ya está incluido el pago por el servicio.
ReplyDeleteLo de Estados Unidos lo sabía, pero también creo que se debe porque su sistema de salarios es diferente al de otros países. En principio, si el salario base es el adecuado, el empleado no depende de las propinas, pero he visto decir que en Estados Unidos dicho salario base es muy bajo y la mayor parte del sueldo se basa en propinas, por eso los empleados están más desesperados por obtenerlas.
En todo caso, me ha gustado cómo has analizado el tema.
¡Feliz fin de año y que tengas un buen 2025! ;-)
En España aun no me ha ocurrido eso de exigir una propina en ningún lugar, si que es libre el cliente de dejar algo si estima que se le realizo un buen servicio. Lo normal es que se dejen propinas en establecimientos hosteleros pero en algunas zonas también escuche decir que en gasolineras.
ReplyDeleteDesear que tengas un buen comienzo de año.
Saludos.
I have a friend in the US and she told me that tipping culture is something that is deeply rooted in the culture there, especially in industries like dining, hospitality, and transportation. It’s customary to tip 15-20% of the bill as a way of appreciating good service, which can sometimes be surprising or confusing for visitors. Your blog post does an excellent job of breaking down this cultural norm and explaining its significance. It’s both informative and thoughtful, helping readers navigate this practice with confidence. Congratulations on creating such a clear and engaging piece! Your work makes an important topic accessible to everyone.
ReplyDeletePara além de admirar e elogiar a publicação, passo a fim de deixar
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Votos de um Feliz Ano Novo de 2025. Muita Saúde, Paz, Amor, Solidariedade.
*
Melody, my good friend, I wish you a good and blessed New Year 2025!!! I wish you health, happiness, joy, joy, dreams come true, many beautiful moments with your loved ones!!! I wish you God's Blessings on every day of the New Year!
ReplyDeleteI live in California/US where it is frowned on if you don't tip. The hourly rates given to restaurant workers are usually low so it's how they make up for it. I do understand customs are different in different places, though. I wonder if other countries expect Americans to tip if they don't expect it from their own citizens because of our practices. So terrible about the violence that people will resort to. It's shocking.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. What a horrible situation! I had not heard that news story, but sadly, I am not surprised. It seems the world is becoming worse and worse. Many servers are not being paid living wages, but that is not the responsibility of the diner to take on...even though that seems to be the expectation. Where I live, there is an expectation to tip a server between 15% and 20%...which means that I do not dine out that often. It really adds up! I hate that people are literally resorting to violence over something that was initially intended to be a thank you for good service. Now there is an expectation. Sigh. I'm just so disappointed by people.
ReplyDeleteThat's a shocking incident!
ReplyDeleteI never thought about giving a tip, here in most of the European countries it is included in the invoice. So most of the people don't give a tip. In the USA tip is not included, so they suggest a percentage. That's the only country where I gave a tip, as they don't earn a lot without tip. And of course in North African countries.
ReplyDeleteIn the US tipping culture is crazy. The servers don't make much and they rely on customers to make up the difference in tips. I don't go out much but my daughter does. You read about servers being mad that they don't get more in tips and they will confront customers about it which is crazy to me. Now anywhere you go they want a tip but I'm not tipping if I have to go pick up my own order and all they do is hand it to me.
ReplyDeleteThat is crazy.
Hola Melody. Me quedó sorprendida con la lectura, en España se puede o no dar propina, eso lo decide el cliente y si no dejas propina no pasa nada. Besos
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